Have you ever been so sad and angry at the same moment? Sad because you feel like nothing’s going right and angry because you’re angry at yourself for not being able to cope up with the world’s expectations… You’re so sad and angry to the point that you just want to run straight to your home and try to find solace in your room.
…And when you get to your house, you go straight to your room without anyone noticing your arrival. It sucks. Your parents and siblings do not know because you keep your tears to yourself, they don’t have any slight idea that you’ve been crying silently within the four walls of your room.
No, not even your best-est best friend knows. They don’t know because you talk like everything’s perfectly fine may it be behind your computer screen, through your mobile phone or personally. Well, you’re not perfectly fine, you’re not fine at all. You know it.
No one really knows how you feel, yet they all talk as if they know everything. There may be some people who care enough to ask you what’s wrong, but they don’t have the time to listen to your answer because they, too, have lives to deal with… So you don’t bother telling them, you decide to bottle all your feelings up.
This is what I exactly have been feeling for quite some time now. I constantly blame myself for everything. I pity myself for that.
I no longer know what to do. …But I’m not giving up. I’ll keep holding on to that flicker of hope, to that one last reason why I shouldn’t give up.
09:44pm
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
Once again, as I tap the keyboard of my laptop and gather all the undefined emotions in my heart and mind, I once again hear the defeaning silence I keep talking about in this blog. Once again, I feel lonely… One of the loneliest I have ever felt.
I feel bad for being the person I no longer am, for being the person they thought who I was, and for being the person they all want me to become. And most of all I feel bad for myself… For being alone.
Of course, I couldn’t put the blame on them. It’s all my fault. I have been so selfish in the past, I believe I deserve all these… Loneliness and pain.
It’s heartbreaking that this once joyful girl that used to be filled with hope has succumbed herself to misery. It’s heartbreaking to acknowledge the fact that I have given up and lost sight of hope.
I no longer know where this blog entry is going to nor how will I end it… So I’ll end it the way Parokya ni Edgar ended their song, “The Yes Yes Show”. -Bigla na lang mawawala.
10:43pm
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
I WILL WAIT FORget YOU.
This is a VERY LATE post. (Saturday, 01212012)
Last Saturday, my class along with the other 2 classes was scheduled for tree planting at Bago Aplaya, Davao City. When we arrived there, there were already seedlings all over the place, so instead of planting trees, they made us take away the weeds around the seedlings. Too much for “tree planting”.
After removing the weeds around the plants, we went back to school at around 11am. And yes, I was sleeping in the school bus the whole ride. Hahahaha! :)
At around 1pm, we left school again for Tugbok, for our NSTP this time. :)
For our NSTP, since the materials for our Purok Building were not yet available, our group decided to have some fun and snacks with the kids in our purok.
Here’s Lovely, making the name tags for the kids. :)
Ate Lovely made a name tag for me, too. Yey! :)
After our NSTP, I hurriedly went home to prepare for Farrah’s 18th birthday party at D’ Leonor Hotel. We were all tired after the tiring day, but Farrah’s debut was worth coming to. T’was a night of meeting old friends, getting along with classmates, eating good food, reminiscing and reliving old memories, and making new ones.
Here are some photos of 2nd year Mass Comm. people with the Debutante:
(L-R) Vim, Keith, Chris, Behnice, Sahar, Mekki, and me :)
Whatta tiring, yet fulfilling and fun day! ♥
(Debut photos are from Vim Amorio)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
Because History222 class is the most boring class (It’s so boring, we do nothing in class, we consider it as the free period between Economics and Statistics classes) I have on my Tuesday-Thursday class, and as usual, my teacher just went blabbing over some things about the Chinese Civilization, which no one was interested in…
I did this. It’s a piece of paper that I blackened with a marker and I drew a heart on it, using a correction tape. (Yes, a correction tape!) I can’t believe I was that bored. =)
My messy desk:
Blah, blah, blah… I can’t think of anything else to type. So, I’ll end this nonsense blog here. Hahahaha! :)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
I’m sorry for the bad quality of the photo, but yeah. That’s what our class mainly do in our History class… Not listening like a bunch of Big Bosses in a conference! Hahahahaha! :)
This silence can never be more deafening.
It breaks my heart how I sit in a corner of a room filled with a bunch of familiar faces, yet I feel more alone than ever. It’s heartbreaking to realize that I’ll never be a part of this crowd anymore.
I miss the feeling whenever I enter this room, a group of friendly faces would greet me, and I miss the feeling of having to greet them back. I miss the feeling of actually being a part of their conversation, and I miss those times when my thoughts, opinions, and ideas actually mattered.
Right now, as they are all submerged in their conversations, I sit here… unnoticed at all. I make an effort to actually be a part of any conversation no matter how stupid, smart, “unrelatable”, or shallow it is… just to note them that I still exist…
I no longer know how to end this blog entry… But one thing’s for sure: it ends with my already broken heart.
-Something I came up with last Thursday (January 5, 2012) morning, but never had the chance to post it… So, I’m posting it tonight. :)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
I felt like I woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning.
I woke up really late and I was still very sleepy when I was on my way to school… My state of not being in the mood was fueled more by the news that my teacher for Economics 111 will not be around (imagine the horror in everyone’s faces when we heard the news! We fvckin skipped making our speeches for our Econ. homework only to find out that she won’t be around… WTF?!?) Luckily, my mood changed when I received a good morning call from someone who has recently grown dear to me (Ayeeee!).
History class (I mean the free period between Economics and Statistics classes, haha!) went blah as always… Our teacher only made us watch that documentary film of the Lost Civilizations of China (half of the class was sleeping)… AND Statistics class went well for me because I actually perfected the quiz our teacher gave us (I FELT LIKE A BOSS! HAHAHA).
After my classes, I went to Brokenshire Hospital to visit Kuya Jeff who got admitted last Tuesday night… It’s actually good to know that he’s feeling better now. I then went to Mom’s office after visiting Kuya Jefford.
Tonight, my family decided to dine out since my sister’s going back to Japan tomorrow (damn, I’m gonna miss her!).
We ate at Flyover Ihaw-Ihaw since Mama and Papa were craving for some barbecues (Their barbecue and Seafood Pancit is really good!).
Here’s me while waiting for the food. Hahahaha! :)
Too bad, my Kuya Jade wasn’t able to come with us since he has classes until 8pm. :(
It seems like someone ate way too much tonight. Hahahaha! *Burp* :)
Today was a tiring, yet fulfilling day. It feels really great to be with real friends and family (your support system)…
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
Today was kind of tiring.
I went through subjects (English, Humanities, and Mass Communication). It wasn’t the tiring part, though. I actually enjoy my MWF schedule since the subjects that I take on these days are actually related to my course, unlike the ones on TTH schedule.
Noelle and I went to Ecoland and Computer World to look for bar code scanners (I’m no longer going into details, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to look fore one!)… On our way back to school, we were able to rent this orange taxi. We found it cool since according to the driver, it’s the first orange taxi in Davao City… And probably, in the Philippines, too! :)
When we got back to school, I was glad to finally have my SAMAHAN Creative Team ID.
You can’t be an official member of an acknowledged group/team/organization/club without an ID. :)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
The 10th day of the year has been fun yet stressful for me.
I went through 2 quizzes (Math and Economics, it was bloody!) and 1 exam (History)… Well, that’s what I hate most about my T-TH schedule, my subjects seem to have nothing to do about my course, Mass Communication.
Moving on, I had a lot of errands to do at school and some errands that involves family matters… Good thing I wore flats to school today! It lessened the pain that I would’ve gotten if I wore my other pair of school shoes! :)
Anyway, I’ve been eyeing on this certain pink backpack since last week but it really costs a lot… But to my surprise, when I went to SM this afternoon it was on sale! I got it for only Php595.00! When I did the math, I was able to save Php1105.00 for this bag! I like it a lot because it’s huge enough that my school things, kikay stuffs, and my laptop would fit in it. I really think it’s a good buy :)
Aside from purchasing this pink bag, I was also able to buy what I think is a necessity! Notebooks! Since my journal is already filled with my daily rants (yeah, I don’t only rant online, I also rant on paper!), I decided to get a new one…
I intended to buy only one notebook, but a dilemma hit me… Because I believe I am not only a Harry Potter fan, but I am a part witch as well and I love everything about coffee and Paris to bits, I fell in love with these two lovely notebooks immediately that I didn’t know which to buy… So I went for the two instead. :)
Today may have been so tiring, but it makes me happy to realize that I didn’t only accomplish the tasks given to me… I may not have bought any book for me to read tonight, but I was satisfied with the purchases I made today. :)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
Last Wednesday, January 4, 2012 (Yes, this is a very late post), we had to work overtime for the floor plan and design of the election booth at the SAMAHAN Office.
I was perfectly in a very great mood to work and chika (I mainly did the chika-ing, hahaha) with the team. But before working, Kuya JK and the others ransacked my bag… So, we ended up playing and experimenting with my coloring materials instead of making and designing the floor plan and the photo booth.
I lost the will and energy to work and chika after receiving a phone call from someone no longer relevant. Anyway, I was lucky enough that the team was with me that night. They tried to make me laugh and happy again. Hence, I ended up being over-joyed again.
Here’s a photo of the team while working:
(Left-Right: Jen, Kuya Nitish, Kuya JK, Tofer, Franz, and me)
Although last minute, we they were able to end up with an actual floor plan and a design for the booth.
God bless the SAMAHAN Creative Team :)
(Photo by: Noy Magulta)
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
We usually go to mass at Ateneo or St. Jude, but since my family planned to go shopping at Abreeza, we had mass at Redemptorist Church.
We had to do a little bit of waiting since Abreeza was still close when we arrived.
I got to eat MochiCreme again… I super miss it! :)
I also got to buy my favorite popcorn and do some book shopping. Yey! :)
It feels great not having anything to worry about. No homeworks, no anything… Just family, shopping, books, and God! ♥
♡, Fifa
(Source: lalaloveletters)
